That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
