hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
