It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize