Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
