I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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