You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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