Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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