I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
