why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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