doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
