I think my vagina is haunted
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
