oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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