tell your sister to shave her snatch
My cat gives me a boner
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
