its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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