So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
