I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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