oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
