Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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