Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
