tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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