There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
