why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
