And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
