do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
