Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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