I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize