She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
