dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
