I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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