It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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