She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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