I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
