no, he came in my armpit
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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