I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
