nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
