so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
bring money and cleavage
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
