he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
