By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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