I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
