We won't sleep together?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
