it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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