youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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