this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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