I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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