I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
