I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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