RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
