my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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