He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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