we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
