i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
