please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
