i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
