you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
