she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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