all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
