i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
