Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
