She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
