she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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