I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
