her vagine was all disorganized.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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