watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
