i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm both gender and math confused
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize