it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
