you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
