I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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