Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
