dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
