OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
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