Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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