I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
