Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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