we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
