I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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