allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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