Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
