That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
